Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I am secure enough to admit I am sometimes insecure.

by Jennifer McLean: http://justaddwatersilly.blogspot.com
I realize I'm more than two weeks into the new year, and there ought to be a time limit on when you can decide on some resolutions. Frankly, I hadn't given them a thought ... I've been so busy, so entangled in projects that I wasn't enjoying, and dealing with the stress of life.

Holidays, expectations, wanting perfection and procrastination.  All get in the way of my life as I should be living it.

...and then I met a blogger, clear across the continent, in British Columbia, Canada, in a town with a beautiful name: Nanaimo. I should get the history straight of how we met, as some day it might be important. I do know that I found a blog posting of hers (on her site: http://justaddwatersilly.blogspot.com) and won a bookmark that she lovingly drew and then laminated. Delicious blog candy, that's in the mail to me.
From: Flickr

We struck up a conversation online, and she's helped me in ways that she doesn't know yet -- at least not until she reads this posting. I hope I helped her a bit too.  We both have insecurities about how "good" our craft is ... our self-judgment is harsh!

A mosaic Jenn created using Flickr images and a Mosaic Maker helped me formulate my resolutions or at least my goals for 2012. It's here, above left.

My resolution for 2012? "To be."  I plan on creating some work, challenging my life on being: me!, loved, happy, honest, kind, amazing, unique, creative, believable, healthy, inspiring and grateful. (Notice there are 12 "be" words? Perhaps I'll have monthly posts and challenges, to be ....) 

To do that, I need to: dream, have patience, have courage, create, live, laugh, pray, believe, have passion, breathe, wish, hope, and love.

A first step: Jenn said it best. Like her, I'll be "...'thinning the herd' ... of superfluous things that are cluttering my time. I have to concentrate on things that are important ... making the life I want to live." "Declutter the mind and focus one's feelings..." 

From: Flickr
On today's obstacle:  I admit I was having a tough time recently with rejection, one of my fears. I tried facing it down, and in December, applied to a Design Team where I thought I was meant to be. I'll own it -- I made application to the Nikki Sivils Scrapbooker team, as I love those papers and embellishments, and hoped my talent would help me reach a goal for 2012 to be on their design team.

I have to say, I was crushed not to have been chosen. Not just that I was rejected, but also the way in which it was done. Without so much as a personal e-mail to say, "sorry ol' chap, try again later," the new team was announced with fanfare. Those who made the team got personal telephone calls from Nikki herself; those who didn't were left without so much as a group hug on a Facebook post. Lots of jolly blogs screaming joy of having made it ... blogs I joined to see what I could have done better ... sadness, feeling inadequate and untalented.

Then I read a quote on Jenn's blog today ... One she quoted from another's writing. It speaks volumes to me:

"Here’s another important truth for me: Always sign up for adventure. Always say yes. Even if it’s terrifying to the core of your soul. That means you’re doing the right thing. You’re learning and growing and shoving yourself right out of your comfort zone. Unless… well, unless there are guns and heists. In that case… stay in your comfort zone and away from guns. Also… before you forge forward. Have breakfast (preferably with chocolate) and pack cookies." ~ from Joy the Baker

In this era of impersonality, Twitter/Tweets, blogs and e-mails substituting for the real thing -- a look in the eye, a gentle hug when a day is sad -- please let's remember that we're real humans out here ... with beating hearts, caring souls, with dreams and aspirations.

P.S., Nikki, I still love you. I'll still continue to buy and use your paper. I know you're busy (CHA). But just remember this: it's a sign of character in how you treat those who hope to walk in your footsteps, or along side of you. And as another blogger, Abby, writes: "The strength of character can be written in at any time."

By the way, Abby also wrote the headline to this post, well before I could. I lifted it from her blog, and give her credit here.


jengd said...

I think you've got some great goals set up for yourself this year. As for rejection, all you can do is put yourself out there and hope that someone thinks you and what you do fits what they want to show. My FIL used to say, "You's pays your nickel, you's takes your chance." I think that's a good way to go at life. If the chance doesn't pay off, you wait until you have another nickel and you take another chance.
As for the way the NS DT was handled, definitely poor on their part. Celebration is nice but you can't throw everyone else to the floor. However, since they did, it sounds like you've done an admirable job of picking yourself up, dusting off and moving on. Good for you!

Nikki said...

Ellen- I can not apologize enough. I'm so sorry. To be honest the past 6 months have been the hardest I've ever had to go through in my life. So many hits from some many directions and my feelings got hurt on more than one occasion and I know how that feels, really I do. (But that is no excuse for not thinking through my actions.) I WILL make sure this is handled right the next time I have a DT call! It just never crossed my mind and I hate that I hurt someone else's feelings. Again I'm so sorry. -Nikki

Julie Tucker-Wolek said...

Hi love :):):):) I feel what you are saying in your post...I can honestly say I applied for 3 dt's last year (only got accepted to one of them)... but I never got an 'i'm sorry email' ... I didn't know that was the industry standard :):):):):):):) I know that some dt calls can get 200 or 300 applicants to their calls... and I guess I just assumed they were too busy with all those applications to respond to anyone but those that were picked :):):):):):):) I know you are extremely talented and should never doubt that :):):):):):):):):):):):)

Shawnee said...

Ellen, you are extremely talented and gifted. That is shown every time you post a project or idea. I have learned so much from you. I am so sorry you have been treated like this. You are truly amazing and I wish you God's richest blessings. Many more DT's in your future! Hugs!

Carolyn King said...

Thank you for sharing your story with me---I am sorry you were hurt in the dt application process but love your open and insightful words. Thanks for taking the time to pass this link on to me. I am taking a lot of your words to heart! Hugs to you!